FOUR FINGERS AND THIRTEEN TOES – BED BLOGGING – THE ADJUSTABLE WAY

Over the last 18 months or so of blogging, I have shared some of my inner-most thoughts and feelings, and this blog will be no exception.

So today, I shall invite you into my bedroom.  Not literally of course, cyber space would never be the same again if I did that, but to tell you about my journey into the world of adjustable beds.

Some years ago, Steve realised he was getting older when he started reading the mobility advertisements at the back of the weekend newspaper, but I had resolutely resisted the temptation to go any further than the weekend horoscope.  It had never crossed my mind to enter the world of colourful advertisements that tell how easy it would be to step out of your bath tub by using a bath with a door; how fabulous it would be to levitate into a standing position with a rising chair; or indeed how much independence you could have with a mobility scooter you throw into the back of your car.

Now, for those of you who know me, you will appreciate that a bath tub with a door is of absolutely no use to me, using a rising chair would require a miracle of evolutionary proportions, and with my Quickie wheelchair, I would beat any racing granny riding her scooter in the local shopping mall.

But when reality dawns on you, that it takes longer to get comfortable in bed than it does for Ty Pennington and his team to build a fabulous new home, it really is time for action.

And so it was, a number of weeks ago that I ventured past the weekend horoscope and into the world of the adjustable bed advertisements.  I never knew you could have such an array of positions in a bed – which reminds me, I must revisit the Karma sutra!!

The thought of double sprung mattresses, memory foam, storage under the divan and all other manner of accessories, made choosing a bed almost as hard as choosing sweets from the sweet counter when you were a kid.

But, my search was not a long one.  And one simple phone call to Adjustamatic would bring Tony to my door.  This was going to be a whole new experience for me.  Previous bed-acquiring encounters had been limited to waking up the in the morning and deciding that the little dip in the middle of the mattress was just not big enough for both Steve and I, and either he moved into the spare room, or went out and got me a new bed.  Needless to say he opted for the latter.  He never did like the dark!!

Tony duly arrived, and having been told we didn’t want a sales pitch all about the history of adjustable beds, he announced he would bring the demonstrator into the living room.  By this time we were intrigued.  Anyone who has previously delivered a bed to our house has either ended up taking a door with them or the very least left dents in the wall that anyone could follow in darkness if they wanted to find the front door.  However, we were to be prepared for an amazing feat.

Tony brought the demonstration bed into the house in two sections.  Firstly in came the base, all neatly folded onto what looked like a railway station luggage trolley.  Then Tony returned to his rather nice-looking BMW estate to bring in the mattress.  You have probably gathered that when a demonstration bed is transported around in a BMW, this is going to be no ordinary demonstration, and you are right.

Off with the jacket.  Tony was ready for action.  Steve retreated to the kitchen to do what he does best in times of panic, and made a cup of tea.  James became decidedly embarrassed at the thought of his mother trying out a bed in the presence of a complete stranger, and promptly left the building.  All I could do was marvel at how my world was about to change with the simple touch of a button.  This foray into the world of adjustamatic technology would, I hoped, send me into deep slumber in less time than it would take to “Move that Bus” – as they say in Extreme Makeover land.

With the bed duly assembled, all that was left to do was, test drive it.  Not being the type of person to spoil anyone’s fun, I generously allowed Steve to have the first go.

With all the grace of Ann Widdicombe on the dance floor, he eased himself onto the bed, and then the fun began.  Like a friendly wizard, Tony wielded the remote control to lift and separate like no self-respecting under-wired bra could ever do.  Steve was hooked.  But the best was yet to come, another press of the remote, and “brrrrrrrr”.  The sound of supersonic style vibration filled the house.  This, we were told was the ultimate in relaxation.  Mind and body would waft into the most relaxed sleep we had enjoyed for years, thanks to the wonder of the Adjustamatic massage system.  After a minute Steve declared himself to be a convert.  How did he describe the experience?  Not quite an encounter with Claudia Schiffer he said, but I doubt he would be brave enough to say so even if it was – He values his life!!

By this time, I couldn’t wait, and not to be outdone by Steve masquerading as Anne Widdicombe, I did my best pantomime cow impersonation, and dutifully climbed onto the bed.  “Zoop” up we went, “zoop” down we went.  “Brrrrr” into vibration mode, and when Tony increased the number of vibrations to maximum … well, lets just say, who needs the Karma sutra – enough said!!

The demonstration over, and the bed was duly packed away.  The pot of tea was cold and stewed, but did I care?  No, the answer to my sleepless nights was just a signature away.  How quickly could it be delivered?  Will it fit the space in the bedroom? Will I ever want to get out of bed in the morning?  All these questions and more were buzzing through my already vibrating mind.  With the calmness of the most professional sales person, and thoughts of his pending commission, Tony reassured me that the bed would be delivered as soon as possible. Yes, it would fit in the space we had available in the bedroom, and yes, his most loyal customers of the Adjustamatic bed, had to get up in the morning, even it was just to visit the bathroom because of the urge to use the loo, brought on by the vibrating bed.

As Tony left, driving into the night with his adjustable bed, I knew the right decision had been made.  All I had to was wait.

True to his word, the bed arrived on the agreed delivery date, and then the fun began.  I must confess the first night was not the overwhelming success that I had hoped for, but when you realise I am the Princess, and if there is the remotest hint of a pea in my bed, then I can’t sleep, there were bound to be hiccups.

Two weeks in, and we are now getting used to our “zoop-zoop” bed, and it’s great.  Vibration in the evening, and vibration in the morning, added to loads of lovely duvet in the form of our newly acquired king size duvet makes for a different type of bedroom experience.

For those readers under the age of forty, you won’t know what I mean, but for those of us who are fast approaching fifty and then some, you will appreciate my sentiment when I say the plumpness of the pillow far outweighs the passion of the padding.

It now takes the same amount of time to get to bed, as it does to blow up the old house ready for the Extreme Makeover.  So now when Steve asks if I am ready for bed there is no hesitation.  My response, in the inimitable words of Mr. Makeover himself is – “Let’s Do It”

And now, you really have to leave my bedroom … Gosh, it’s nearly time for me to get ready for “zoop-zoop” antics.  Sweet dreams … zzzzzzz

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As a footnote, if anyone out there is interested in the adjustamatic experience, just let me know, and I’ll pass your details on to Tony.  I promise you, the experience will be just “Brrrrrrrillll”